Monday, October 15, 2012

Moses Botkin Challenge / October

"Adolescence" 8x6" oil on canvas


I've developed the rather immature habit of guessing the date lately. I was sure it was the 10th and I had a few days to finish the painting on the easel and get my challenge painting done. Checking the recorded programs on the DVR last night, I was stunned to see it was the 14th! Woops!

I couldn't blow it off, it's my first challenge painting since Tim left in February, plus the subject matter was my choice this month. The choice of what to paint is yet another part of my work that Tim helped me with.  Still reaching for the phone to ask his advice or mentally cataloging the questions I want to ask or the latest joke I want to share when he arrives home from work, but that's normal I guess. Anyway, I chose "Adolescence" but only because the previous theme had been "Childhood." Seemed a natural progression.

I had some lofty ideas. Wild but studied brush strokes evoking the perpetual angst of the young. Clearly that didn't happen. I gotta get out more and find some live models. Maybe even knock on my neighbor's doors. But, instead, rushed and not having a clue what to do I logged onto a stock photo site, typed in angst and purchased a photo that I thought might work. So what you see above is my interpretation of the photo I chose. Not what I had in mind, but at least it's done and I needed to know I could still paint quickly if needed. So, another milestone, I'm back in the challenge group. I think.

I fear I've pushed the limits of your patience with my many accounts of how cool Tim was/is or how deeply in love we were/are, so I'll just say that I'm feeling better. Days go by without a tear being shed which in turn creates guilt. The huge hole in my heart has at last produced what feels like a scab. Very frail though. A slight scratch, the tiniest tender touch and I fear I would hear it fall noisily to the ground and the tears and pain would again begin spewing out. But, it's a start. I'm smiling more and talking to him without that accusing tone in my voice. The "what-ifs" and "if-onlys" continue unabated, but I think at last that I'm beginning to accept, really accept, what is.

Thank you again for your caring thoughts and support.

And now, please enjoy the other members interpretations of "Adolescence."

"Tyler the Teenager"
14x18" Pastel
© V.N.Ross
Self Portrait 1968
18x27" oil on canvas

 "Soothing Break"
oil on hardboard 6x9"