Monday, May 11, 2015

I THINK IT'S BACK!





















"BABY BLU refreshed"
oil on linen 24x20"

Well that happened! The other day while tidying up I suddenly felt a strong urge to paint! Finally!! I ventured into the store room—very scary, what a mess—there's a dent in this canvas because of said mess—looking for some large canvases to prepare and saw this painting of Blu from June 2011. Tim was still here then! Sigh.

Anyway, it struck me that if I worked on a piece already established I would be able to bypass the procrastination and false starts that usually pop up when standing before any empty blank canvas. It worked! In no time I was boldly splashing on a background...which has always bothered me. The interesting point about this particular painting is that I considered it completed back then, however as I continued to work on it and it came together, at last that familiar yet elusive wave of joy passed over me and I was involved and enjoying myself.

The fear was gone, the timidness evaporated. I didn't equate the outcome with self-worth and I believe for an instant or two, I actually felt to my soul that none of this mattered...not one tiny bit. Oh in the material world, "why haven't you been working, what's wrong with you" kind of way, of course it matters but in the big picture, in a universal sense, it absolutely doesn't matter at all so have at it Suz and have fun! And I did.

The trick is believing that when a painting isn't working for me but I think I'll get there.

I am pleased with the finished version but not altogether unhappy with the original. As I said, the background always bothered me, visually it didn't read "casual oil sketch"  but messy vertical lines for no reason, so I think the version on the right is more what I'm looking for now. Either way, I'm elated to have that desire back again and whatever coddling I need to do in order to keep it going... I'll do!

I think accepting the void and not fighting it is key. Since "IT" happened I've learned to accept the present moment more and more. The pain comes from resisting it. As I worked I listened to Eckhart Tolle's "The Open Door" session. We often think if we resist what's happening it will somehow protect us from the pain it will inevitably cause. "This shouldn't be happening! I refuse to accept it!" The very simple and obvious reply...But it is happening!

Apologies to the kind folks who left comments on my last post. I haven't returned the compliment as yet but I will. I so appreciate your support and sharing, it helps on so many levels and thank you so for dropping by!



Wednesday, April 29, 2015

AT LEAST I PAINTED!























"Joy!"
8x8" oil on canvas

SOLD



It's entitled Joy because I finally did some work! Still not feeling any jets of desire to paint but
at least I darkened the door. Not whining or complaining, it is what it is and there's nothing wrong with not feelin' the love.

Decided I was just passively allowing this to happen and forced studio time. Probably have painted this before as I went through my reference shots and picked the first thing that I thought would be fun. The old feeling of joy did surface for a bit which felt nice. I'm sure the more I work the better I'll feel. Why I can't apply "your thoughts create your experience" to this particular subject is a mystery I'm working on daily to crack.

I do feel like painting....I do feel like painting...I do feel like...

Thanks for dropping by and thanks for your patience.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

VENUS the Charger Lady






















Venus the Charger Lady
9x9" pencil on paper
NFS

Okay! So, here you have it! Still not feelin' the flow. It is the strangest feeling going into the studio, fully expecting to work and minutes later finding myself in the living room, on the couch looking out the window! Still. No. Desire. To. Work. At. All!

Heavy sigh!

I wanted to do Venus in oil, however even squeezing it out of the tube onto the palette sheet felt wrong, so I tried a pencil sketch. Whateva! Not gonna stress. This has happened before and will again, for whatever reason. The ego gets off on me analyzing it and trying to figure out what the end game is, so screw it, not gonna do it. I have far too much to be grateful for to get my drawers all twisted because I don't feel like creating. This too shall pass.

Yeah, I know. But when?

In the meantime, I promised myself I'd keep darkening the studio door and attempting to work. We'll see.

Oh, yeah, Venus. Let me 'splain. She literally charges the iPad up. It slips right into the handy little slot of her mitten-like fingers, rests snugly against her enormous mammillia and sucks up energy through a little port thingy near what should be her navel. A little strange but so unique. I love her. She looks like sculpture, sitting proudly on the coffee table, right next to the starfish my budly Brenda sent me last year in a goodie box.

Thank you so much for your patience and for stopping by. I so hope to be posting something of substance soon! Don't give up on me!

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

IN CELEBRATION OF BRENDA!





































Brenda Ferguson
July 9, 1959 - March 23, 2015
 
WIP/detail

Yesterday morning, the news I had been expecting but dreading arrived. My dear friend and budly, Brenda Ferguson made her transition after a long and difficult battle with cancer. It is so very hard for me to believe that this incredible person, so full of life and light has left this plane.

As I've explained many times here, Brenda reached out to me when I needed it the most and we became fast friends and email buds. We were into the same woo-woo metaphysics and spiritual paths and she would send me passages almost daily to help me through the sudden and unexpected loss of my husband in February 2012.

She was always spot on with what she sent and could lift my spirits in an instant with wise words and spiritual support from her super-sized kind and loving heart. We have never met face to face. She and a friend were going to come down to New York for a visit from her home in Maine last summer but unfortunately she had become to ill to make the trip.

The painting above is a detail shot of the second portrait I began of Brenda last year. I had finished the first one, created from a pixelated low-resolution reference which now, I'm incredibly happy to report, hangs in Bren's home. But later she had told me that there was a much beloved twinkle in one of her eyes that didn't appear in the low resolution snap, so she sent me a clearer, higher resolution version so that I could add it.

I was so struck by the difference in the two reference shots that I immediately began a new portrait, hoping to improve vastly on my first attempt. However, I became so engrossed in her features, wanting to get them just right...I don't think I did, but I will...that her face, head and hair just grew all out of proportion and I got stuck.

Wanting to finish it as soon as I could, I kept at it but just couldn't get to the place I'd envisioned and stopped. Now however, I think I'll begin yet another portrait, using the same reference but from a different place in my heart and I know, as we had discussed, that she will see it finished.

I first saw Bren's work on the Daily Painter's site and was immediately attracted to her bold use of color and freedom of brushstroke. Her paintings of pears are my favorite however I am the proud owner of a lovely collection of Ferguson originals, a few of which appear to the left, that I will treasure for the rest of my days.

Brenda's works and style are the perfect vehicle for daily painting. Each time she posted I was so drawn to her ability to catch a moment, a feeling with everyday objects, giving them so much character and life I felt they moved about on the surface of the board.  I envied her spontaneous and lively brushstrokes and coveted her courage to splash in hues with such intensity that made every composition sing with life.
 
The painting below is my very favorite though. The expression on this gull's mug is priceless. Such attitude and presence, as if he's quietly studying something off in the distance, not sure whether or not to investigate and looking at bit put out by what he sees. I studied her treatment of his breast and body for quite some time when it arrived in the post. I love the palette, the composition, everything...it's just perfection!

And I think the title is so fitting. It's so what I envision Bren saying just before she left, with a smile and that twinkle in her eye...well guys... 
"I'm Off!"

I would like to extend my deepest sympathies to the Ferguson family and say with all my heart how sorry I am for your loss. I know her spirit will be with you always.






I love you my dear budly. Thank you so much for being my friend. I cannot wait to finally meet face to face.








Monday, March 16, 2015

REFLECTIONS TWO
























"Reflections Two"
8x8" oil on canvas

Muddy. Sloppy. Unfinished. And that's just fine. I'm still stuck in the doldrums and that's fine as well. I'm really not sweatin' this new, seemingly entrenched aversion to painting...this too shall pass.

What you're looking at is truly the work of an artist exposed. Naked. In an effort to help me simplify, Sandra suggested I finish my next painting in one day. I agreed, however I found I was far too uncomfortable to remain in the studio more than an hour at a time, so the painting above was "completed," and I use the word loosely, in two hours over two days which took literally five days!

And this could just be an extended version of the dreads, who knows? Whatever. I'll keep trying. I just hit me that I've never woken up on a Monday morning with the fitness resolve of a supermodel, so not surprisingly, deciding I'd complete a painting a week hasn't stuck either. And that's fine.

I'll get there. Thanks for your patience and for dropping by.

Friday, March 6, 2015

REFLECTIONS ONE

























"Reflections One"
SOLD

This is my second offering for The Naked Artists blog I share with friend and fellow artist Sandra Busby. It's a detail shot because I didn't finish in time. No whining allowed is the rule for the blog Sandra and I came up with to further our growth as creatives, however I can whine all I want here.

I don't know what it is, I just don't want to paint. Each day I go into the studio hoping that little spark will ignite my desire to work but...nuthin. I'm fine with it. There's nothing I have to do or prove to myself or anyone. Whatever the reason for this version of the "dreads" I'm just going to power through.

This is what the 8x8" canvas looks like now. The chairs in the dining room are lovely to sit on but a pain in the patootie to paint. They're made of woven straw I think. I decided it's fine not to finish and to reveal what's not done. That's the point right, warts and all!
Choosing less complicated compositions might help!

At least I'm working.Thank you so much for dropping by.

Monday, February 23, 2015

New Challenge Blog!
























"Solitude One"
8x8" oil on canvas



This is my first painting for The Naked Artists, a blog artist Sandra Busby and I created to encourage productivity, growth and confidence.

Each month we take turns posting 5 words. One of us then chooses a word and we then create four paintings per month, one each week, that we feel best evokes the feeling of the chosen word.

Please feel free to join in the challenge yourself. Just be sure to link back to 'The Naked Artists' and we will link right back to your own paintings at the end of each month!
 
And, we're off.......